As we all know, it’s only a matter of time before the zombie apocalypse makes a lasting impact on the way we live our lives. At ManSpace we thought it was about time we did our civic duty and put together some helpful tips and tricks to help you get through it. So, without further ado, here are our Top Ten Tips for Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse.
- Choose your ultimate weapon
Chainsaw? Sawn-off shotgun? Flamethrower?
One of the big decisions you’ll need to make after (or, if you’re prudent, in the lead up to) the apocalypse is which weapon will best aid you in the slaughter of the undead. While options like flame throwers and even gatling guns may appeal initially, careful consideration and analysis of the situation may dissuade you from these loud, fuel and ammo intensive options.
Realistically speaking, your best method of survival from a combat perspective is going to be in stealth mode, making use of commonly available, everyday objects. Lawnmower blades can be found in just about every garden shed and a once over with an angle grinder can see that hardened steel honed and ready to chop heads. And while you’re at it, why not use one in each hand? Get creative and experiment – after all, this is your time to shine!
- A bunker
As we all know, the first stages of the apocalypse will see large scale chaos and general hysteria ensue. Indeed, the initial phase can be considered one of the most dangerous and, if at all possible, is best waited out in a remote, secure bunker.
Money shouldn’t be an object when you’re setting up your bunker, dig deep and borrow up big. If people laugh at you, take comfort in the knowledge that you’ll be sitting pretty behind that re-enforced steel door when those bastards are getting eaten alive.
- Get a dog
If you already have a dog, great! If not, there should be quite a few wandering the streets looking for a new master shortly after the initial breakout. As Will Smith so deftly demonstrated in I Am Legend, German Shepherds are a great breed to provide companionship and protection in these situations.
- Food
Of course, you will already have a sizable stockpile of canned goods ready and waiting for those lean times after the apocalypse. Unfortunately though, for those of us playing the long game, there will come a time when canned goods are either all gone, or have gone bad (yes they will eventually).
This is when those hunter gather skills you’ve been honing for the last few years will come into play. The ability to identify edible plants and weeds as well as catch, skin and clean small rodents and insects will be invaluable to your long term survival. Mmm, rat meat!
- Keeping fit
Personal fitness may not be the first thing that comes to mind when thinking of how best to survive the impending gore tsunami. But rest assured, tight abs, glutes and top physical stamina could be the difference between kicking arse and kicking the bucket.
Calisthenics are a great way to maintain body strength and fitness without the need for equipment. So next time you’re on watch duty, listening to the distant moans of wandering zombies, don’t just sit there – get active, punch out a few push-ups and crunches. Make that body pop.
- A partner
Feelings of loneliness and isolation can be detrimental to your health and wellbeing. The propensity to experience these emotions will only be exacerbated in the post-apocalyptic world. It’s a good idea to team up with a fit, trustworthy (and hopefully attractive) partner early on to ensure you maintain some modicum of mental stability during the end times. After all, you’re going to want someone to hear all those witty one-liners you throw down when you’re busting heads.
- A house
You’re probably not going to want to live long term in your bunker. Luckily, the population will have been decimated soon enough, leaving a plethora of fortified luxury residences ripe for the picking.
http://www.build.com.au/zombie-proof-houses-apocalypse
- Survival kit
Needless to say, you’re going to be spending a lot of time in the great outdoors. And, as every good Boy Scout knows, you should always be prepared. A fully equipped survival kit will ensure you’ll never get caught with your pants down.
- Vehicle
A suitable vehicle will be invaluable post-apocalypse. Any robust, all terrain automotive will serve you well, and in many cases what you end up with will come down to availability and personal preference.
The ability to modify your chosen mode of transportation is not something to be sniffed at either. Get to know your way around a MIG welder and an oxy torch so, when the time comes, you’ll be able to rig up that front-end meat shovel or windscreen shield to impress the Mrs.
- Blend in
If you can get away without having to constantly avoid/butcher the living dead that now fill the streets, you’re going to get a lot more out of your day. Depending on which methodology you subscribe to, there are several ways to do this.
Covering yourself in zombie gore is said to inhibit your adversary’s ability to smell your delicious man-blood and will allow you to walk the streets unencumbered, while other doctrines prescribe a convincing imitation of the zombie gait to help you slip by unnoticed. But why not mix and match? Slap on some rotting flesh and stagger ‘round like you’ve had a few – have fun with it!
